


False Memories

by Adeadlymusician



Series: Rare Pair Heaven [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Bertolt spelt as Bertholdt, Character Study, Eren does actually think about his actions in this AU, Kinda, M/M, Major Spoilers, Unhappy Ending, but not as bad as the anime, he is still a little shit, non-canon compliant, reupload, sometimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 19:23:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11088288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adeadlymusician/pseuds/Adeadlymusician
Summary: Really, Eren expected this relationship to go to hell. Living in a world filled with titans causes one to understand that Death could be around any corner. It's just, Eren did not expect Death to hit him, or rather Bertholdt, in this specific way. Nor did Eren expect to be betrayed by the one person that should have never betrayed him.





	False Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Title: False Memories  
> Pairing(s): Bertholdt/Eren  
> Warning(s): Spoilers for the manga and the anime, An unhappy ending  
> Note(s): Reupload. Armin is the Colossal titan so Bert is dead.  
> Last edited on: June 10th, 2017. Just a couple of minor adjustments to keep Eren in character.

Eren blindly ran out of the castle and into the dark forest that he was held captive several hours earlier. The twilight offered him no solace as he tripped and fell down, scraping his knee. Undeterred, he picked himself up and willed his exhausted body to move forward. He believed that it would be thirty more seconds, roughly, before his comrades would notice his disappearance. After the day’s multitude of events, he had had no time to himself. No time to digest the devastating occurrences that, quite frankly, he had trouble believing happened. When he saw the opportunity to flee, he took it. He could finally let the feelings of frustration and heartbreak manifest in more ways than just rage. Tears poured down his face as he broke branches that blocked his path. His pace quickened when he heard loud, concerned shouting from behind him. He needed to get away, to get away from everyone. His comrades would not understand. They would not understand the depth of hurt and betrayal he felt tainting his very being.

After a couple minutes of blindly running, Eren arrived the top of a small hill. The stars bestowed their heavenly light to the ground, lighting up the world for what seemed like forever. Eren would have appreciated the scene more if it were not for the rampant and intense emotions bombarding his already weakened mind. He sunk to his knees and punched the ground as more tears raced down his face. He did not feel the salty water hit his exposed skin, nor did he notice the blood seeping from his hands. Eren threw his head back and screamed in pure agony. The sound echoed across the open field before him. He punched the ground again and again until his hand became almost completely stripped of skin. His heart was beating abnormally fast and he felt like he was being eaten by a titan all over again. The pain was almost unbearable: He felt like his entire body was set ablaze. Eren was powerless to stopped the onslaught of this torture: after all, no one can change the events that have already come. He looked down at his bloodied hand in disgust as it slowly healed itself. He watched in horrified fascination as the tendons, muscle, and skin regenerated and pierced themselves together. Before they healed completely, he moved his hand and tested its mobility. Although it vehemently protested, Eren thought it was healed enough for it to be moved around. 

Using his left, uninjured hand, Eren tried wiping away the tears coating his cheeks but the effort was futile: It seemed his body had stored a waterfall in his eyes, and the water demanded to be let free. He sat there, hunched over on his knees, feet bent at an unusual angle, left hand resting near his side, right hand awkwardly suspended in the air, for an unknown period of time. 

Eventually, Eren rolled onto his back and stared at the sky. The sun was starting to rise in the sky. Varying shades of red, yellow, and orange littered the sky, painting a beautiful mural that no man could ever hope to emulate. It was beautiful, just like... just like…

"Bertholdt. Red and orange. Those colors... Those were always your colors," Eren whispered coarsely, ignoring the spark of pain that sped through his body. After a while, he sighed, unable to ignore the heavy feeling settling on his chest and the threat of mindless titans. It was hard for him to breath deeply, and any physical exertion would worsen his condition. He held a hand up and made a light fist, admiring the colors that shined through the space in his fingers.

'I can never have a happy ending, can I? As soon as I let my guard down, the universe serves another fatal blow.' He thought, thinking of all the memories of him and Bertholdt. The way Bertholdt used to hold Eren when he was sad. The way Eren fell asleep on the tall one's lap, and the way he used to scramble as Bertholdt feel asleep on him. The way Bertholdt silently berated him for slacking off during training. The way Bertholdt got up early in the morning so he could help Eren train with the 3DMG during trainee days and even when they joined the Scouts.

'I remember all those times so vividly. Those were… happier times.' Eren thought, a small smile resting temporarily on his face. 'Although, some of the best memories I have of us was after we joined the Scouts.'

Eren remembered how Bertholdt used to share amusing jokes when they were out on expeditions. Eren remembered how he held Bertholdt though the sleepless nights, and visa versa. On rare occasions, Eren remembered waking up in the middle of the night with a pair of arms tightly wrapped around him, as if to ward the night terrors away. Was it all a dream? Was it all a lie? The thought sent another stab of pain through Eren's heart. Tears were once again were threatening to spill from his eyes. He held them back and sniffed.

'Was it all one big giant lie? Am I just imagining all of these memories? Were the feelings... fake? False? What did I do to deserve this? Just… Why?' He choked and snapped his head upright. He stayed like that for a moment and wiped away the remains of the waterfall. He stood up shakily and looked at the setting sun. He held a hand in front of him, shielding his eyes from the blazing light.

"How? Just... how? I don't understand. I don't understand how I can still love you, despite all that has happened... I guess I always will, even if you are nothing more than a murderous traitor," Eren stood there silently. He slowly made his way back to the castle, the heavy feeling becoming augmented with every passing step. He stopped suddenly and glanced longingly at the sun one last time before continuing on the path to the castle.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a reupload (if you did not read the note in the beginning). My writing has improved since this story was originally published. Enough said. Original Publish Date: Sometime in 2015.


End file.
